This is a public letter to everyone who has been with me from the start to thank you all, and explain why I look and sound a bit different these days. If it doesn't interest you, stop reading - kinda surprised you got this far! Feel free to go about your day.
The last year or so my career has done some amazing things. I'm playing in the big leagues, working with and surrounded by some wonderful people, whom I love very much (mwah!)
BUT (could you tell there was a but? There's always a but. And i like the word but. big fat butttttttttttt)
To get here I've had to drag myself away from the clutches of several complete shits. Shits professing to know everything about this business we call show, but actually are constantly on the rob. They will steal anything they can get their hands on - money, self-worth, dignity.
I thought I'd give you a few choice examples of ideas that have been drilled into me:
I'm too fat to perform, but not "statement" fat enough to be cool.
I'm too old to sing but not old enough to know what I'm talking about
I should be embarrassed about any gig that's not in a stadium, any song that's not number 1
I should keep my political opinions to myself, but start a fight with Taylor Swift
I should change my face/name/hair the way I sing/play/move/talk
I could have all sorts of treasures in return for sex, and called "needy" when I refuse (that actually really pissed me off. Needy? Because I won't screw you? Wow dude you've got issues. And you really need a shower.)
I know for a fact some of the people to whom I am referring will read this, and outwardly be thinking [insert more colourful language] "yeah, but you're not very good Vanessa, that's your problem." I hope inwardly you are human enough to feel just a little uncomfortable, because you know you were a shitbag who stole from me. And I want it back. Quit conning people out of things (again, money, self-worth, dignity) - it's unbelievably cruel.
And you know what else? Without all that bollocks, I'm coming up to 10 years as a professional musician - I get to tour the world, make music, drink a little too much jager - and to everyone who makes that possible at all I am ridiculously grateful. I have some amazing supporters (I KNOW you'll still be reading, thank you with everything I have)
If you're young, or starting out in the industry and come across anyone who makes you feel shitty, kick them in the balls, step right over their crumpled body and keep on walking. Give me a shout if you want advice - any wisdom I've gained I will be happy to share. It's mainly about ball-kicking.
From now on I dress how I like, say what I want, and most importantly do WAY more gigs and release more music! I'm enjoying it all so much right now, every night when I go to sleep I can't wait to wake up and get back on it all again.
Well done for getting to (nearly!) the end of this blog - I hope you'll join me at a gig or somewhere in the digital world. And if my music is not your thing, that's cool too, I've got some great recommendations of what you should listen to (did I mention I love music? MUSIC!)
Sweet Dreams are made of this. And now to end with a cryptic quotation from the magnificent David Lynch: "third rule of show business: if someone asks you to keep a secret – that secret is a lie"